The Social Network

Even if you didn't know their name, we've all come across a CAPTCHA in one form or another. It's what stops the robots taking over the internet.

There are many alternatives out there, some using pictures, drag-and-drop, and all kinds of fancy features. They're pretty great at stopping the majority of spam or automated access, but where they really fall down is in weeding out people. I don't know if this would be better placed as part of the registration process to certain sites, or immediately before posting, but I'd welcome something along the lines of this...

The suggested use is before allowing access to the internet

Ladies and gentlemen, the Internet Access CAPTCHA. That's what we need - and here's why!

Let me take you on a journey across some of the wonderment one might find on social media. We'll meet three lovely people, discover their trials and tribulations, and hopefully we'll see where CAPTCHA could come in just that little bit handier.

Now, for the general purpose of protecting identities, the names are, naturally, not divulged; nor is any discernable personal details that could lead to any kind of identification. Strap yourselves in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

There are lots of things I wouldn't post online. Things that are personal. Falling out with a family member, for example. Some people choose to plaster such events all over the internet and, in fact, Article 10 of the Human Rights Act exists to ensure such people can do so. Good for them. If you're comfortable enough sharing things I'm not, I applaud you. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I have anything to hide, I just prefer to keep the vast majority of my private life, private. By accepting 'you' as a 'friend' on various outlets I accept that this means we are now privy to whatever either party chooses to share. I would, however, prefer it if you put at least a little thought into your posts. I'm a stickler for SPAG, for example - this would not only please me, but you might find that (much like the disruptive child in a class) your infrequent correct behaviour will be rewarded.

Meet Poppy. I don't know her too well and I've absolutely no qualms with her. For whatever reason, her child had missed a (presumably) significant number of days at school and resultantly failed to qualify for some school event. This didn't sit all too well with Poppy and she resolved it the only way one could possibly do so - through the power of social media!

In my opinion, this is something that falls into the 'maybe' column. Personally, I'd have dealt with the situation by liaising with the school and ascertaining all the facts, first. Were it to come to no resolution or, in fact, were it to come to a gleefully triumphant resolution, I may well have shared this with my friends and family - maybe even via social media. I wouldn't, however, direct the anger at the school for what could well have been a perfectly justified decision or an innocent mistake.

Meet Phil. Disenfranchised by the social media world, he's just about had enough of all the liars and trouble-makers. Phil is so done that this will be his last post online - he will be gone come the morn.

Much like a pigeon trapped in your living room, poor old Phil just couldn't work out why he could see the outside world, but couldn't get to it - and, bless him, he just kept hitting that window head-first. Not for all the chocolate in Wonka's factory could poor Phil work out how to follow through on his intention. This lead to a further tirade of statuses in which Phil would get more and more worked up over how difficult it was to leave and he went to new levels of 'done'.

For me, this is a firm 'no'. Not only would I have taken sufficient steps to ensure that my encounters with 'friends' (with the inverted commas) was kept to a minimum, I would hope it would never come to a time in which my only course of action was to threaten to leave - and then have to fumble my way around in order to close my account.

Meet Matt. Poor old Matt has been innocently looking forward to his birthday for months - twelve, in fact. Opening his 'main' present like the child who so desperately wants to unwrap the bike, but must dig through all the other presents first ("Look, mummy - a helment and gloves! What do I need those for - I haven't got a bike!"), Matt tore off his aesthetically-pleasing wrapping paper to discover a box. Not just any box, this was the box for which Matt had longed, for he knew that within it was a shiny new device that wouldn't work with gloves on or in the rain. Imagine the poor chap's face when he discovered that his 'big present' was the wrong colour! Now more disappointed than that time he wanted Harry Potter, but someone got him the book - which didn't have any of the Blu-Ray exclusive additional features he was looking forward to; Matt took to social media and, not being confronted with any form of CAPTCHA, was able to air his grievance with the world.

Now, don't get me wrong. Were I not to receive anything for my birthday, there'd be a part of me that would be disappointed; but I didn't earn anything. I'm not entitled to anything. Save for remembering to breathe, drink, and eat (which to be honest, I probably do too much of if anything), I have done very little to contribute to my being here for another year. What I definitely wouldn't do, is post my annoyance on the internet - to each their own, Matt. Another 'no' from me.

We need to treat the internet and its quirks such as social media with a great deal of respect. With them comes a great deal of power - and many a man has fought for your right to say even that with which he does not agree. In times like these, I look to Uncle Ben.

(Ben, Uncle)

"Distracted from distraction by distraction"

(Not Uncle) Ben